We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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