man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
