So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
