worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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