My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
