Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize