Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
