so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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