You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize