It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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