2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
