I'm really into asian looking animals
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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