I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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