I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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