Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
