So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
