I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
