I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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