I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
