so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
