I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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