Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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