so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
