so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
