You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
