shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
