shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
