Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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