I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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