Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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