Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
