I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
