I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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