wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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