Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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