I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I want to have your abortion
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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