Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
