hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
