Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Actions speak louder than pants.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
the liver wants what the liver wants
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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