Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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