u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize