Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
