my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Randomize
