I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
