Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
