What a fucking waste of an outfit
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
