i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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