it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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