Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
