peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
