i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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