So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I CAN MOONWALK!
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
