I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
