i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
