Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
