were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
