Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize