"it" just moved
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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