Who wears a wallet chain?!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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