i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
this just has baby written all over it
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
