We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
