i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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