You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
