I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
