How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
