Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
