I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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