yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
