i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
